Masturbating in the Tower of London

December 14, 2005 | 03:39 AM
Masturbating in the Tower of London
I apologize for my absence. I am on the road location hunting for Golden Age, the sequel to Elizabeth. Have a lot of my old team back so we share jokes about the previous film. One of the most famous one being that I almost got fired before we even got to shoot the film ..

Well, my fault. The producer and I both agreed that we have to turn the genre' of the British Period Drama on it's head. atleast that's what I wanted to do.

So I was walking with the writer in Hyde Park one day. We spoke about the young Princess Elizabeth's life in the Tower. Terribly in love with Dudley (who was to betray her later), she would spend hours thinking and dreaming about him. Or so we imagined.

Now in a typically period drama, she would have written long love letters that she would try and smuggle out to him. But this was different, was'nt it ? What would she do ?

So I just said jokingly. She would masturbate. And forgot about it.

Now for those of you that have not met me, I have to tell u that I have a pretty silly grin, that is half lopsided, on my face most of the time. So people have a tough time knowing whether I am joking or I am serious. Well, the writer took me seriously.

So, to my horror, the scene went into the film. The script was sent for reading to the producer and to the studio. And there it was in bold type. In the Tower of London, the greatest icon of English history, described simply as .. well. . masturbating.

As you can imagine, I had to beg my way back into the film.

And so to the current film. Golden Age. This is more about an internal struggle. The Queen, older, wiser and far more in control, falls seriously in love with a sea faring, dashing, handsome free spirited privateer called Walter Raliegh (being played by Clive owen).

And she struggles with her passions. Not wanting to give herself to man, and yet every cell in her body desiring him. The battle raging between a great Immortal Monarch and passionate woman.

And there then is the scene. Elizabeth alone at night, looks at her body in the mirror. Wondering how to handle her passions. Someone asked me, but what is she doing ? How do we know her passions are about to explode ?

Well, I thought .. why not play a joke ? I .. used the M word !

I think I have just been fired off this film. Will some one pleeeease write to Universal Studios and say it was just a joke ?

Shekhar